Ignoring is one of the strongest forms of emotional violence, which, unfortunately, is very often used among the closest people - between parents and children, spouses, good friends. Many women wonder if a man can love and ignore at the same time? Why do parents choose to ignore the needs and concerns of their children? Why are close friends not giving due importance to our words and simply ignoring them? Let us consider in detail why people ignore each other, why it is so painfully perceived, and what to do in a situation where you are ignored by the person to whom you are partial.
Why do people ignore each other
In general, ignoring is a psychological manipulation, usually aimed at achieving some specific goals. However, by and large, the actions of someone who ignores you is a signal of his exorbitant pride and selfishness.
Depending on how the ignored behaves, the ignorer always gets some bonuses. Some people are fueled by the humiliation of others, others just love the increased attention to their person. In any case, when thinking about how to ignore a person, it is very important to remember that ignore is returning as a boomerang. Only now he will return not in the same form, but modified - as aggression, revenge, hatred.
In some cases, ignoring can be a salvation, and then it is justified. When it comes to hysterical and manipulative manifestations, it is precisely ignoring that is the way to discount the “tragedy". However, it should be remembered that in this case, ignoring should be temporary and continue exactly until the moment the opponent stops the destructive actions directed in your direction.
Why is it so painful if they ignore me?
The issue of ignoring would not have arisen in principle if people had not reacted extremely painfully to this. Why is it so unpleasant and insulting when they ignore us? In psychology, there are answers to these questions. Each person is subconsciously aimed at a certain affiliation, recognition and empathy.
First of all, it is psychologically necessary for any of us to be part of something larger - a collective, group, family, community. If a person is ignored, then he is simply psychologically pushed out of an important group for him, and this moment is perceived so actively and painfully, trying to understand how to avoid a nervous breakdown. Such a person almost at the physical level feels the results of ignoring - alienation, coldness, loneliness.
Secondly, each person needs to recognize his value as a person. This is, in principle, one of the basic needs, and therefore needs no explanation. Do any of us not want to know that they love, value and respect him, reckon with his opinion and count on support and understanding?
Thirdly, we want to be understood, felt our mood and condition, forgiven mistakes. In the presence of empathy on the part of other people, we become calmer, and we understand that someone needs and is not indifferent, that we are in our place.
Ignoring deprives a person of one of these manifestations. Purposeful, demonstrative ignoring leads to the fact that he feels great discomfort and loses the value of his own personality.
If you feel that a person significant to you is moving away and is starting to gradually ignore you, you must act immediately. In the case when you cannot figure out the situation yourself, you can turn to professionals for psychological help. Experienced and competent experts work on our site, with whom you can find the fastest way to solve problems and restore relationships with an important person for you. Psychologist consultation online is available at any time by phone or online chat.
What to do if you are ignored
It is unlikely that any person who fell into the tenacious paws of destructive ignoring did not ask himself the question: “Why am I being ignored? What am I doing wrong?". However, before you find the answers to these questions, you should determine how important the moment of ignoring is for you. Is it important that they don’t listen to you or that they don’t want to hear and listen to you?
Having determined why this or that person has taken the position of an ignore towards you, you can draw some conclusions and consider the situation in more detail. However, this will have to take a kind of step back into the past.
So, if you are ignored, try to go through the following steps in sequence:
- Find the reason. Perhaps you just offended someone important to you and didn’t notice it yourself, but he harbored an insult and doesn’t want to talk to you anymore? Simple analyze your recent relationship with him and understand what and when it went wrong. In this case, the worst thing you can do in this situation is to call and write to your opponent every five minutes. Once you find the reason, just change it. If offended - apologize, if you did something wrong - try to offer help. Each of us psychologically expects understanding from others, and perhaps you and your opponent simply misunderstood each other.
- Make sure you are truly ignored. There is a very personal line between personal space and ignoring. If you are offended that you have not been answered right away, have not called back immediately after your ringing, or have not abandoned all your affairs for your sake, then it is important to pay attention to yourself. Remember that each of us sometimes needs to be alone and, perhaps, a person does not answer you just because he needs privacy right now.
- Ask for help. If you are at a dead end and cannot understand why this or that person is ignoring you. If you are convinced that ignoring is the place to be in fact, and not a figment of your imagination, ask for help from those who are interested in this - from your relatives, friends, colleagues.
Ignoring, as noted above, is a form of psychological abuse. In the fight against it, it is very important not to let this problem completely swallow you. Of course, no one can be pleased with the fact of ignoring, but it is always important to remember that any person has the right to choose. And if the situation has developed in such a way that you are being ignored and you are completely powerless, you cannot or do not want to fight, then just focus on your life and personal goals.